Celebrating the little things

I brought Liberti to her new school on Monday just to get the registration info and get her set to start. She may go tomorrow through the rest of the week as they are having picture makeup and some fun stuff before Thanksgiving holiday starts. That way she will be in the yearbook which makes us happy being her first year in a US school. Then we will keep her out for that thanksgiving holiday as well as the next week. She will return to school for three weeks then get out for xmas break. So even though she will go for 3 days this week really she wont start for 2 more weeks which can only help her know the language a little better before she is there. I know that 2 weeks isn't that long but she is picking up so much English each day it is really remarkable. 2 weeks will have her understanding a lot more than what she does right now which is still impressive. We had to have her shot records recorded over onto our state vaccination blue card. That was eventful. The health department for our country apparently is the only one able to transfer the records and give the blue card. So we headed over there to find out they had stopped for the morning and we would have to return at 12:45 to fill out paperwork, show documentations, legals stuff, and to then see the nurse. We sat for 3 hours waiting. Anyone who has had to go a county, city, or state health department knows it is no walk in the park to deal with. I hate that place literally. So Glad we have a good dr and insurance as I could never deal with that place all the time. Anyhow, I had to drag my mom along as Greg is very very ill and had his own doctors appointment. Not that he could have helped much anyhow as Liberti usually freaks out the entire time he is around, let alone talk to her or be in the car with her. Landon of course following her lead and screaming "i do not want you" and "get away" makes for a pleasant day, NOT. (He got very sick the day we returned. We thought it was just allergies at first but by the next day he knew he was VERY sick) Landon was having his own bad day too of course so I was so glad she was able to come with me. Liberti asked several times if she had to get a shot and I said No as that is what the front desk said and I thought that too, BUT she did. In fact she had to get 2 shots. As soon as we got back to the room they told us and her face melted and she began to cry pleading mommy no, mommy no? It was heartbreaking. I know that this was a horrible week to have to get it done and I was so surprised but I think that it was best in the end to get it out of the way rather than have to keep her out of school longer AND have to visit that place again as they wouldn't give the new blue card without them. It was the MMR and the chickenpox. I didn't think that the chickenpox was even mandatory but they said she couldn't go to school without it. I know that you can push for religious reasons or morals, things of that nature. They are both live virus's too she said. She said that she will more than likely get a little sick and a fever too! I feel terrible for her. Not to mention Greg has never had Chicken pox. His sister had it 2 times. The dr said that he could have an immunity to it or he may have gotten it but never showed syptoms on the outside. Either way scary to think that She could have to deal with some symptoms and he could actually get shingles or what ever it is called. Yikes. His immunity is so low from being so sick as is. I told him to just stay in bed and avoid the living areas which he was happy to do today anyway. Poor guy. Liberti and Landon are both giving him a very hard time and it is killing him as is, then being so sick and now he could even get a more serious virus. On top of that the outage for his work that will be in Tampa is postponed until beginning of Dec so he has to leave to go out of state now on Thursday. He called all of his resources the last few days trying hard to get work around our area but just nothing here right now for what he does. What do ya do? I am hoping that while he is gone for a couple weeks she can bond more with me and then as time goes by she will learn to trust and bod to him through me. There are many therapist that actually believe that mothers should actually travel alone to pick up there children no matter what, strengthen the bond and then allow father to bond or child bond to father, rather. Not our choice for our family but that is pretty much how it will have to be. We will see. Means alot of work on my part with 2 ever changing kids by hour. Am I up for the challenge??? Well I have made it through alot in my life luckily and I am sure I can make it through this too right? I have to say that I have "yes you gotta have faith faith faith" LOL going in my head from Micheal. A little humor can go along way. Liberti woke last night at about 1:30 after going to bed at 8:00pm. She refused to take a bath or shower, refused to change out of her dress and into her PJ's and then refused to move off the couch and into bed. So I let that go for the night. Then I said she could watch Dora until I got Landon to sleep then she was going to bed. When I got done at 8 she had just gone to sleep. Up by 1:30 and then only back to sleep for an hour towards morning. This sleep situation really stinks. None of us are sleeping through the night yet. Up for hours during the night too which just keeps everything at a high level of stress. We all know how adults do with lack of sleep not to mention how our children do. We have tried everything though so far watching sun rise and set, stay awake all day after waking early and bed late, staying very active and busy during the day, and so on and so forth. Landon was only up for about 2 hours last night though which was a great improvement. Tonight I got her bathed and her hair washed (alot of hair) this was the first time she aloud me to do this and had refused since we picked her up to wash that. Her FM did that for her though and had a hands on routine so I know it is hard for her to face me doing it. The reality that she isn't here. Just like going to bed at all. As soon as she gets tired she gets angry and begins to show aggression. So I know she really misses them even more so at those times. Yesterday and today they rode their bikes to Ahma's house while I walked with them. The only time that they actually get along is when they ride together. Aside of the occasional purposely run in and laugh, it goes pretty smooth. Ti loves to ride her bike! She begs to ride it allot and is all smiles and laughs when doing so. When I say yes we can go ride them and we are going to ride to..., she yells thank you thank you mommy and hugs me. That is when I get the glimpse of our daughter. No wall nor pain no control. Just plain old happiness and youth! Those are the things i am celebrating today. The little things. the fact that she got mad at me today, yelled at me screaming NO, but never hit, spit or kicked me! the fact that she looked at me before she took the Little girls chair at the health department, the smile she gave of thankfulness for the bike ride and glass of milk she got! They may seem so small to you but when you are living the days as we are under a very black cloud, every rainbow or glimmer of light is something to look forward to and celebrate. Her agreeing to let me wash her hair, getting into her bed without a fight, and not hitting me today were nice accomplishments. Also she was very mad and aggravated by the fact that I told her she couldn't wear her dress up princess clip on earrings into the school and that she had to wear tennis shoes didn't make her happy. She protested with her usual over and over NO, pulled away and gave dirty looks but no hitting me was really good to me. She did spit on moms floor a big glob of (her treat) "Oreo" for no reason and laughed but she ALSO cleaned it up when we asked. This is more of just learned or aloud behavior that seams to not have been corrected but she is learning. I witnessed many signs of her knowing the difference of right and wrong as well as her looking to me for guidance at those times. Not sure if she is looking to see if I notice what she is about to do OR if she wants me to tell her what she should do but looking to me none the less. she also hurt Landon several times pretty quickly but only 2 times was it hard enough to have me really worried. I know I know you ask how can I let it happen? She is quick and all I can say is that if I turn to answer the phone I can not turn my back away from her without her doing something to him that way. Still it is very hard to stay within a couple feet of the two of them every second of the day they are awake. I am learning though.

Its now Friday and seems like the last couple days we do have progress at home. Liberti has not hit me in 3 days aside of slaping my hand away not when I tried to tuck inher shirt for school. She just doesnt understand the language quite enough for me to explain uniform and regulations of school. She argues about wearing a specific dress or shirt to school. When I say no she thinks she needs to pick another one. She went to school for 3 days and did preally well there. Today she walked in like she owned the place and told me "goodbye" as soon as we got in. It was sad but sweet. She is doing really well with the regular transition of things for the most part. We are excited about that. Yesterday morning and evening before, she was nice to Greg when bowling and very civil when she woke up. it was great to see that wall come down even briefly. So many families go through this same type of adjustment and it is really hard on the person they do it to. Greg has been so sad and disheartened by her anger and hate towards him. Having a child scream at you "NO" or yell or hit every time you are in their vicinity or sight or speak is very very difficult especially with all the other issues we are having. We do know that is all normal behavior for a child coming home and many families experience it like I said. He left yesterday for 4-5 weeks. Not our plan but his outage for Tampa got postponed for that long and nothing else around here right now. So last night she was asking and again this morning where is daddy? Lucky for me Judy was able to translate to me what to say and she understands and keeps saying no, daddy no. We tole her "daddy went away on a business trip for 4 weeks" Then she told our neighbor that in Chinese too. She is still reacting with allot of force but mostly to Landon right now unless it is something she really feels strongly about doing. She will still attack Landon easily and forcefully if i am just 3 steps away or turn my back even if I am still within reaching distance to both of them she takes that chance to do it. This morning she was all smiles for and got ready for school fairly easy. She wouldn't do anything for about an hour but then she actually put her own jeans on which has been unusual. She has pretty much tried to act Landon's age or younger while he tries to act like an infant. Very difficult but today it was better. i just said no you put the jeans on while I get your breakfast and she did. It was really nice. She has still been looking at me when she does something wrong like hurt Landon. She will say sorry mommy or Sorry Landon before I tell her what to do. She is still doing it then apologizing but that is a huge step from lack of remorse we began with. She has also not had a staring match since she fell asleep the 2nd time. Watching her interact like a normal healthy happy child is amazing and helps keep the faith that one day we will have most all smiles. So not get me wrong, the says are still VERY VERY tough and she still has major issues but we do see something hope and some improvement in our home life. The way she reacts in a crowd is still good though fake alot of the timeout always.

We have had a wonderful support system of course and have got lots of info from other families that have encountered the same struggles which has helped alot. We have been told about reading material tat will sure to benefit from as well as us. She enjoyed her gymnastics glass too and did well.

***Today, Sat, we went to Sea World and meet up with Matt, Molly and Malone. It was really nice. Not one of Liberti or Landon's best day this past week but it was stil so nice to see them and get out of the house for the day. Liberti has made great improvments this week. When she gets angry she seems to be recovering faster than previously. Before she would hold a grudge overnight and now she seems to get better within an hour or so. She did great at school and went for 3 full days. She will stay out for Thanksgiving holiday break (a week) and then the following week as well. Then she will return for 3 weeks. She has already learned to write several English words and did several assignments correct. She also went to gymnastics and did very well. The first half hours he needed me in the class with her, was very nervous and got mad right before but then once she calmed down and engaged what they were doing, she had lots of fun and let me leave the room without a problem. We will try out a couple more programs for gymnastics to see which will be the best fit for her. Though her hitting of Landon has not decreased any it seems, the severity of it has lightened some (though we know not to turn our backs for a second) she is appologizing when I tell her she can not hit or hurt him or anyone else. She says"Landon Sorry Landon, so sorry" and that IS an improvement. her arguments can be less depending on her amount of sleep like all kids. I think I have really seen an improvment this week. We all went bowling before Greg went out of town to and she broke down her wall toward Greg while she was having fun. She began tot ell him how to roll the ball and that he went to the right insteadof straight. She gave some high fives and didnt protest his every move or look in her direction. She didnt scream wen he talked to me either. After that Greg and I took her and Landon to our walking park around the lake for them to bike ride. This has become her absolute favorite and my reward tool for good behavior. She loves to ride her bike. When she continues to hit or be mean and wont stay in time out I tell her she wont get to ride her bike that day and she says sorry right away and works on improving for that time being. WE hav enot seen everything change of course and most of the time during the day I am still puling my hair out, however we do a light. A bright one far off but it is there!